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The Profit

Yes, I'm aware of how much I suck. Let's just move along. Besides, a 13-3 week will put me back at 50% with my overall picks, and even though I didn't win my yearly pool I still pretty much broke even this year because of my best bets being a little above 50%. Hope you had better success.

Good luck to everyone this last week - oh I forgot to tell you. I'm wishing you all good luck because this picking games thing is all luck anyway. Next year, when I'm back up around 60% it'll be back to being a skill game. But since I picked games about on par with Pamela Anderson's singing voice, we're going to call it luck this year.

On to the picks…


So much for my asinine theory last week that not having LaMont Jordan would open up the Raider offense and finally force them to get the ball to their playmaking receivers. Of course, those receivers aren't quite making as many plays this year, Jordan has been the line bright spot on the team, and I was openly rooting for them to win…so my vision may have been clouded. But it's crystal clear this week. The Giants are going to pretty much destroy Oakland. PICK: Giants

It wouldn't shock me to see the Chargers blow out Denver. Reason being, one team is playing for pride under a very prideful head coach, while the other team has nothing to play for. But I can't get past several factors. I would have liked to have been able to say the Chargers will win this game to keep their slim playoff hopes alive. I'd also like to have been able to say that their top-ranked run defense shut down Larry Johnson a week ago, so they should have no trouble with Tatum Bell. I'd also like it if Mandy Moore and Rachel Bilson starred in a remake of Thelma and Louise. Except instead of discovering life lessons, they were learning how to wrestle in a vat of chocolate syrup. Alas, none of those can be. And so I'm forced to accept it. But I don't like it. PICK: Broncos

Kyle Boller is finally playing like the MVP all of us staff guys expec---you know what, I can't do it with a straight face. Sure, I'll give you that he's playing well right now. Why? I have no idea. It probably is the same reason why several of my family members think Ellen DeGeneres is just SOOO funny. Or why I asked for the gas attendant to fill my gas tank, and he put in $5 yesterday. Or why I pulled out of a parking space the other day and was cut off by two 17 year old kids who pulled into the spot RIGHT ACROSS FROM ME. The driver then proceeded to flip me off and yell out his window, "My spot, sucka!". Hmmm yes, my entire plan was to park in a spot, then immediately pull out of it so I could pull into the spot RIGHT ACROSS FROM ME about 10 feet away. I'll refrain from talking about what happened next, because there might be kids reading this. So yeah, these unexplained events are all transpiring right around the same time so I figure the only logical explanation is that I've gone insane and just didn't realize it yet. PICK: Ravens

For no reason whatsoever, I'm picking the Jets. I just felt like taking another dog. PICK: Jets

The Cowboys are going to win the game in an effort to save their season. I'm sure they'll play well enough to win. But I just don't sense desperation from them. I don't see them putting together a Steeler-like effort and blowing out a bad team. Course, I'm under 50% for the year so what do I know? PICK: Rams

Here's my question. We all know that Shaun Alexander is selfishly trying to obtain the TD record and is entering the game during blowouts rather than scoring in the context of the game. You know, to get the record legitimately. But my question is this: if Alexander breaks off an 80-yard touchdown run on his first carry of the game and is within striking distance of 2,000 yards, does he convince Holmgren to leave him in and give him a shot at it? Like I said, Alexander is that type of player who has to have his numbers, and in football terms there aren't many bigger than 2K. That factor alone is worth me taking the points. Plus, the Packers stink anyway. PICK: Seahawks

I was asked this question last night, who would I pick in this game. And my answer? If you care about this game, then I don't care about you. PICK: Your mother (OK fine, Niners)

I know, the Colts don't need the game. And I also know that none of the starters will do much of anything in the game, let alone star in it. And on the same token, I know that the Cards are coming off a win and have some talent on both sides of the ball. I also know that I can't possibly expect the Cardinals to win outright. Which means if I take them in the game, I'm banking on the Colts winning by 6 points or less. Come on, I don't see a game like that, do you? They'll either win by a lot, or they'll lose shockingly (yes, even with second-teamers). I think they'll win, mostly because of the suck that is Arizona. PICK: Colts

Jack Del Rio will instantly become one of my favorite head coaches in the league if he sticks with David Garrard as his starter for the playoffs. Garrard has not just "managed the offense" with Byron Leftwich out; he's excelled. And now you're going to bring back the guy who has been hobbled by a broken ankle to an offense that is clicking mostly because of the mobility of the QB? I can understand if they switch back to Leftwich, because he's the #1 pick and makes all the money and was the starter. But the old rule about not losing your job because of injury is there as well. Finally, it'd be easier for Garrard to accept going back to the bench than it'd be for Leftwich. But I've been hyping Garrard for over two years now and I think he's going to be even better. What does all this have to do with this week's game? Nothing. I actually don't think Jacksonville will play very well this week, and they'll probably lose. They don't have much to play for outside of a better record, and some of the banged-up offensive guys are going to probably get much-needed rests. The Titans are crappy, of course, but they can show up for a game now that the season has been over for months. PICK: Titans

I predicted a few weeks back when Minnesota was 8-5 that they'd end up the year at 8-8. I hedged that a bit last week when I said they'd probably beat the Ravens before losing to the Bears. Well, it never got to that point because they obviously lost to Baltimore. That, to me, is not a sign of a team headed in the right direction. The Bears still have something to play for, and need to get Rex Grossman as many legitimate game snaps as possible before the playoffs begin. That alone should account for the Bears hanging around long enough, and I still don't think the Vikes are any good. PICK: Bears

The Steelers showed me a lot last week in destroying a team that gave them a bit of trouble earlier this season. Pittsburgh had a job to do, knew what needed to be done, and then went out and accomplished the task. I think it'll be more of the same this week. Of course, you run the risk of them knowing beforehand whether they need the game or not, but even the second-unit guys may have their way with the Lions. PICK: Steelers

OK, Saints. This is the time to come on and put together something resembling an effort. I finally caved last week and acknowledged the quality of the Bucs, at least in comparison to the rest of the crap in the NFC. But even I have a problem laying 13.5 against the Saints. While the Saints have gone from "bad but scary" to "scary bad", you still don't want to lay almost two touchdowns with a run-oriented, defense-based team no matter the circumstances. I think the Bucs will win, though not by this much. PICK: Saints


I have a feeling that Carolina responds well this week to the challenge of needing a win. The playoff picture is starting to get into focus, and Carolina players know what is at stake. That, and John Fox pretty much wouldn't let his guys be anything less than fully prepared. You know Steve Smith is just itching to go off against Atlanta after he got screwed out of important minutes last week. I'd really hate to be the guy going up against a Smith owner in my fantasy league this week. Oh wait, I am. So yeah, dammit. As for the game, Atlanta is mailing it in worse than I am with this article today, so I don't expect them to put up much of a fight. PICK: Panthers

Little confused here. I know the Chiefs are flying high and playing exceptionally well, while the Bengals are coming off a couple of so-so outings the past few. And yes, the game is in Kansas City, which is no easy matchup for obvious reasons. But I'm having difficulty finding a way to give the Bengals more than a touchdown. They might lose the game, but at this point all systems are go for Carson Palmer, and Chad Johnson has already vowed to play the entire game. Put it this way: if Marvin Lewis doesn't go all-out to win this game, then the Bengals deserve to have to go on the road and lose to the Colts in the 2nd round of the playoffs. He had better realize that it'd be much smarter to let the Pats go in and try to knock off the Colts, and then welcome New England to Cincy the following week. It may not be a likely scenario, but you can never be too careful. And I'm saying if the Bengals play to win the game, they will. PICK: Bengals

If the Bengals had won last week and this game were meaningless for New England, I have no doubt that Belichick would do nothing this game and not worry about the win. But he realizes the importance of getting that three seed and avoiding a trip to Indy - or at least delaying it a week. The Pats should come ready to play, and if they do then they should have little trouble against the Fins. PICK: Patriots

It's time I woke up and realized just how putrid the Eagles are. They make Madonna look good by comparison. PICK: Redskins

LOCK OF THE WEEK: Carolina Panthers


  • OVERALL: : 7-8-1
  • BEST BETS: 2-2
  • LOCK OF WEEK: 0-1


  • OVERALL: 112-122-6 (47.9%)
  • BEST BETS: 34-29-1 (54.0%)
  • LOCK OF WEEK: 7-9 (43.8%)
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