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Random Shots - Week 13

A Twisted Look at The NFL Every Week And All That Goes With It

Hi Folks,

Here's what happens when you sit an NFL Junkie down in front of
multiple big screens with Sunday Ticket and fresh batteries in the

A Twisted Look at The NFL Every Week And All That Goes With It

By Joe Bryant

I bet Danny Snyder hasn't been much fun to work with the last two
weeks. Just one week after former Redskin coach Norv Turner took one
from Washington, another coach axed by Snyder beat the team when Marty
Schottenheimer's Chiefs won Sunday. No word if St. Louis is going to
bring in Steve Spurrier Sunday to go for the trifecta....

Email of the week. I made two spelling errors in the last issue of
Random Shots. Sadly, that's pretty good for me. I spelled Barry Word
as Barry Wood and I also failed to get Keith Bulluck's name right
(Bulluck and I have a long time history of me misspelling his name)
Anyways, I got this letter from a woman:

"hi, That'd be Word not Wood. And Bulluck is er spelt Bulluck."

Yikes. Gave me one more thing to be thankful for last Thursday. At
least I'm not the guy that has to deal with her everyday....

I'm thinking Dre Bly is no smarter than Terrell Owens. At least Joey
Harrington had enough sense to tell the media he wasn't talking about
it. Speaking of Detroit, does Jeff Garcia look ok to you?

Think the Eagles had a rough week? They put Donovan McNabb, Tra Thomas
and Lito Sheppard on IR. Three Pro Bowlers going on Injured Reserve is
bad no matter how you slice it.

I'm still loving Chad Johnson. He said that he called up Marvin Lewis
late at night because he couldn't sleep. He asked Lewis what he was
doing. Lewis said, "I'm just thinking about ways to get you the ball,
Chad." Johnson said he could go to sleep after that.

Some guys can wear pink shirts. I'm good with that. But Chris Berman
is not one of those guys.

New linebacker added to the All Name Team Sunday.
Bears OLB, Leon Joe. I may make him our Defensive Captain.

Punter Jeff Feagles played in his 238th consecutive game Sunday.
Punter or not, that's pretty cool. Side note on Feagles, the last two
years he's given up his number in exchange for something from the new
player coming in. He gave up 10 to Eli Manning for a paid family
vacation and managed to parlay 17 into an outdoor kitchen from Plaxico

Houston's Andre Johnson scored a TD Sunday. His first touchdown. Ouch.
What's worse? That ties him with Tony Gonzalez....

Baltimore is now on a 9 game losing streak on the road. That surprises me.

Note to Adam Jones in Tennessee (And no, he's not playing anywhere
near well enough to earn a nick name like Pac Man yet) Before you do
the stupid TD thing where you jump up and wrap your legs around the
goal post after a TD, look for any flags that nullify the score.
That's twice now.

Late in the 2nd quarter, Baltimore's Kyle Boller was sporting the
Blutarsky QB rating:  Zero.

Another All Name team guy looked good Sunday. Rock
Cartwright found the end zone. Nice.

What's with the little Fantasy Island looking guy at the grocery store
in the Sprint ads? He's carrying two five gallon containers of
mayonnaise. That's just wrong.

Seattle defensive back Marquand Manuel grabbed what he could when he
tackled Plaxico Burress. Unfortunately for Burress, it was his hair
that Manuel latched onto. That's fair game though.

I miss my share for sure. But we were on Ryan Fitzpatrick in July.

From the Daily Email Update 7/18:  Today's backup/practice squad
player may be the "next big thing" in time - given coach Martz's track
record with quarterbacks, Fitzpatrick is in a good situation to
develop. Don't expect fantasy value out of him anytime soon, though.
Dynasty league owners with room on their rookie squad might want to
take a look at him, though."

Jay Feely entered the game having missed two field goals in ten games.
Sunday, he missed three field goals in ten minutes. Watching the game,
it's no wonder Feely missed those kicks. He can't even get his chin
strap right. The thing was a good two inches below his chin.

More on Feely. How does he barely miss from 54 yards out and then come
up short on a 45 yarder?

Mike Ditka is proud of his Bears. Monday, he responded to a Chicago
writer who wrote that the Bears weren't ready for a serious run with
Kyle Orton. Said Ditka:  "First of all, anyone writing anything
negative about the Bears in Chicago is an idiot. A first class idiot."

Minnesota's Marcus Robinson was the picture of efficiency Sunday. He
saw three passes thrown his way. And scored three touchdowns. Nice.

What kind of situation has Detroit interim coach Dick Jauron stepped
into? Tight end Marcus Pollard is the leading receiver and Scottie
Vines is the "go to" wide receiver. Yikes.

Golf note:  Annika Sorenstam out drove Fred Funk at the Skins game
this weekend. Funk's punishment was he had to wear a pink skirt. He
got the last laugh though as he walked away with $925,000.

Tease of the week:  Both Cardinals running backs opened with rushes of
10 yards or more. They quickly awoke from their dreams and returned to
their normal level of suckdom.

I love Brett Favre. But he is making some just plain bad decisions. He
is who he is and he'll be cut slack, but if a younger player were
throwing some of those "up for grabs" interceptions, we'd be all over

Drew Brees struggled throwing the ball Sunday at times but he still
played with the fire we've come to expect. On Eric Parker's rush,
Brees was leading the way throwing a nice block.

How much would they have to pay you to wear one of the sideline caps
they have the players sport? That is one ugly hat.

Rarely does a coach have as big an impact on the game as Mike Holmgren
did Sunday when he decided to challenge the Jeremy Shockey catch.
Holmgren was successful and the play was reversed which wiped out a 10
yard gain. A few plays later, Jay Feely was forced to attempt a FG
from 54 yards which he missed.

Tampa Bay's Matt Bryant also missed a short field goal that could have
tied the game. Jon Gruden was asked Monday how surprising it was that
he missed the field goal. Said Gruden, "Gee based on recent history,
I'd say pretty surprising. The guy's a hell of a kicker. What kind of
a question is that? If I knew he was going to miss it, I'd have gone
for it."

Shaun Alexander owners were starting to get nervous Sunday. Of the 25
offensive plays the Seahawks ran in the first half, Alexander only saw
seven carries. He made a nice comeback though.

I haven't heard as much from the Samkon Gado haters this week. They'll
be back though as soon as Gado has a tough game.

Is David Carr turning things around? He was awesome in the first half
Sunday throwing for three touchdowns, 171 yards and completing 13 of
17 attempts.

And the Vikings are right back in it. Shame on those folks who said
they were done. Although it would be sort of Vikingesque for them to
do something goofy against the Lions Sunday.

It's that time of the year again when I realize once again how stupid
college football's BCS and bowl selection business is. The two at
large bids will be coming down soon. And we all know that how well a
team will draw fans for the bowl game is a huge factor in which teams
are extended a bid. How idiotic is that? There is one thing and one
thing only that should determine a team's post season chances:  Their
play on the field. Can you imagine if the NFL playoffs were decided by
which team could draw the most fans. It's an outrage.

Remember back when Pittsburgh could run the ball?

Antonio Gates played Sunday but as feared, he wasn't very effective. I
can't remember the last time he finished with more drops than catches.

New Orleans returned to the Meadowlands Sunday. This time as the "visitor".

As someone who makes a living trying to pull shreds of truth out of
what coaches say each week, I can't help but love Bill Belichick. The
New England coach was his typical post loss talkative self Monday. He
was asked by a reporter if there was anything in Tom Brady's throwing
mechanics that was making the ball sail like it did.

Belichick replied, "You're right. He missed them."

Undaunted, the reporter followed up, with "Anything specific Brady was doing?"

Belichick replied, "I'm sure there was."

Think Larry Johnson is the Man in Kansas City? Check out this series:

1-10-KC34 (13:55) Johnson left end to KC 50 for 16 yards
PENALTY on KC-Richardson, Clipping, 10 yards, enforced at KC 41.
1-13-KC31 (13:32) Green pass to Kennison to NE 27 for 42 yards
1-10-NE27 (12:48) Johnson up the middle to NE 25 for 2 yards
2-8-NE25 (12:11) PENALTY on KC-Kennison, False Start, 5 yards,
enforced at NE 25 - No Play.
2-13-NE30 (12:00) Johnson left end to NE 23 for 7 yards
3-6-NE23 (11:20) Green pass to Gonzalez to NE 14 for 9 yards
1-10-NE14 (10:38) Johnson up the middle to NE 9 for 5 yards
2-5-NE9 (10:04) Johnson left end pushed ob at NE 2 for 7 yards
1-2-NE2 (9:42) Johnson up the middle to NE 1 for 1 yard
2-1-NE1 (9:07) Johnson up the middle for 1 yard, TOUCHDOWN.

I'm sure Matt Millen is a smart guy and I'm sure this is something the
Lions front office weighed heavily, but when you list the pros and
cons of firing the coach in week 13, I wonder what they wrote under
the "pros" heading?

Someone check my math but I think the Rams just eliminated Houston
from the playoffs.

Neil Rackers, Earth. Earth, Neil Rackers.

Bill Cowher is one of my favorite coaches in the game but I absolutely
hated the onside kick call in the 2nd half. Even if it worked, that
sends a terrible message to your team. As it worked out, it sent a
terrible message and spotted the Colts another seven points.

Here's what it feels like to be a 49er fan lately:

1-10-SF25 (3:59) Barlow right guard for 75 yards, TOUCHDOWN NULLIFIED
by Penalty.  PENALTY on SF-Harris, Offensive Holding, 10 yards,
enforced at SF 25 - No Play.
1-20-SF15 (3:46) Dorsey pass intended for Bajema INTERCEPTED by Bulluck

Please tell me Dan Patrick lost a bet for that haircut. What's next,
Ditka goes for a mullet?

Along that line, nice powder blue suit there before the game Roethlisberger....

One more hair note:  Is there not anyone at ESPN with the guts to tell
Chris Berman the comb over is just not working?

Did you catch the "interview" Monday night where Stuart Scott
"questioned" Mike Irvin about the drug pipe found in his car? I
thought Stu and Mike were going to high five at the end there....

I still don't think the Colts run the table but you have to hand it to
them. They've played two very good teams the last two weeks and looked
great. The Monday night game was a mismatch. Tony Dungy is doing a
very smart thing with the talk of resting his starters if they clinch
home field for the playoffs. Even if he's just bluffing, it takes
pressure off the team.

Fountains of Wayne is a band that hasn't had great commercial success.
But they provide the soundtracks for two great ads out there. One is
the Stacey's Mom ad for Dr. Pepper where the boys have a crush on the
mom because she has the cooler full of Dr. Pepper. The other is for my
hands down best commercial of all time promoting the NFL Network. It
takes a little while to download here but it's worth it. Click on the link that says
"All Kind of Time" with the picture of Ben Roethlisberger.

Adam Schefter hit the nail on the head today drawing the difference
between the Lions and some other teams:  Detroit's had as many head
coaches this week as Pittsburgh's had over the last 36 years.

The Giants committed eleven false start penalties Sunday. Including
five on one drive. That's hard to do.

Hard Luck Awards for Week 12

ATL QB Vick 1 yard TD pass to RB Griffith reversed (Duckett TD)
MIN RB Moore 6 yard rushing TD nullified by penalty (Johnson to Robinson TD)
MIN QB Johnson 17 yard pass to the 2 to TE Wiggins (Johnson to Robinson TD)
DAL RB Barber 5 yard rush to the 1 (Bledsoe TD)
DAL RB Barber 4 yard rush to the 4 (Bledsoe to Witten TD)
NE RB Cloud 5 yard rush to the 1 (Pass TD)
NE QB Brady 5 yard pass to WR Branch to the 1 (Brady to Fauria TD)
TEN RB Brown 35 yard TD rush nullified by penalty
TEN DB Adam Jones 19 yard TD rush nullified by penalty
TEN RB Henry 3 yard rush to the 4 (McNair to Kinney TD)
SF QB Dorsey rush for no gain from the 1 (Barlow TD)
SF RB Barlow 75 yard TD rush nullified by penalty
ARZ QB Warner 19 yard pass to the 2 to WR McCoy
ARZ RB Arrington 1 yard rush to the 1 (Warner to Edwards TD)
HOU RB Wells 10 yard rush to the 5 (Carr to Johnson TD)
OAK QB Collins 11 yard pass to the 1 to TE Anderson (Jordan TD)
OAK QB Collins 34 yard TD pass to WR Gabriel nullified by penalty (Jordan TD)
MIA QB Frerotte 23 yard pass to the 1 to WR Chambers (Brown TD)
SEA QB Hasselbeck 10 yard pass to the 4 to WR Engram (Alexander TD)
CAR QB Delhomme minus 2 yard pass to the 4 to T Fordham
CAR RB Davis rush for minus 1 yard to the 2
CAR RB Foster rush for minus 1 yard to the 3 (Delhomme to Gaines TD)
SD WR Parker 13 yard rush to the 1 (Tomlinson TD)
NYJ QB Bollinger 28 yard TD pass to WR Coles reversed (Nugent FG)
TB RB Williams 8 yard rush to the 2 (Alstott TD)

Sometimes it's better to just not know....

Thanks for playing along. I hope you have a gas with whatever you're
doing in your life. Here's to Football.


If you've got a Random Shot of your own, shoot me an email at

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