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Hi Folks,

Here's what happens when you sit an NFL Junkie down in front of multiple big screens with Sunday Ticket and fresh batteries in the remote.

A Twisted Look at The NFL Every Week And All That Goes With It

Attention Tatum Bell owners:  Just in case you weren’t aware of this, Mike Shanahan really does hate you.

Everyone in Denver was glad to see Kyle Johnson score his touchdown Sunday. But none more so than the boneheaded Bronco players that ran onto the field a few plays earlier nullifying Darrent Williams 61 yard punt return. Denver was flagged for too many men on the field and instead of a touchdown, the Broncos were given first and ten from the Charger 29. You always see coaches trying to keep the players back on the sidelines but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen that penalty actually called.

Sorry if I’m a little distracted here. I’ve had a hard time pulling myself away from the WNBA finals….

Talk about a trend. If he continues his current pace (he won’t), this is how the reception totals for Charger Running back LaDainian Tomlinson will look:

2003:  100 receptions for the year

2004:  53 receptions for the year

2005:  0 receptions for the year

That’s right, through eight quarters of play, Tomlinson has zero receptions. Even more alarming, he’s only been thrown to one time. One time. That one target ties him some of the “top” receiving backs in the league like Ovie Mughelli, Mike Karney, Chris Hetherington and Ronnie Cruz.

Why didn't Miller Beer get Patricia Arquette to do the voice for the “Girl In the Moon” ad? If you're going to do a blatant rip off of True Romance, at least get the voice right.

The scariest thing about Carolina’s win over New England? The Panthers didn’t even play all that well.

Here’s one indicator of the Patriots’ struggles I stumbled across:  They gained more first downs by penalty (2) than they did rushing (1).

Last week I told you to remember John Kasay drilling the 46 yard field goal and how it would have been good from 60 yards through an eight foot wide goal post. Sunday, he busted two 50+ yarders.

How does Carolina wide receiver Keary Colbert have eight passes thrown to him and not come up with a single reception?

Maybe my favorite play of the week:  245 pound Eagles linebacker Mark Simoneau putting his mouthpiece in before kicking the extra point with David Akers hurt. You’re probably getting used to seeing all the WRs wearing jersey numbers in the teens but when a #53 kicks the extra point, that grabs your attention.

Did you know that David Boston has been active for both of the Dolphins game this season? Have we ever heard less from him?

After a disastrous week one, Jets QB Chad Pennington spent most of last week vowing to do a better job of protecting the ball. And then bobbled the ball on the first play of the game Sunday.

Miami may struggle offensively, but their D is tough. Curtis Martin carried the ball 31 times for just 72 yards. For a stretch of eight carries, he totaled a net of zero yards and a fumble.

Say it with me:  “I will ignore the words ‘potential, talented and former MVP’ when thinking about Denny Green and the Arizona Cardinals and I will not buy into the hype”. 

Along that line, Minnesota is reporting 25,000 high ankle sprains this week. From “fans” jumping off the bandwagon.

Cardinal kicker Neil Rackers was perfect Sunday. He led all Cardinal scorers. That actually wasn’t all that difficult given that he was the only scorer.

I bet I don’t get nearly as many emails this week telling me I don’t know what I’m talking about and that Cadillac Williams’ day was a fluke. How could I not understand he piled up all that yardage on one lucky play yada yada. Ask Bills fans if he’s any good. If you let me start throwing out a few select plays each week, I can make any player look bad. I bet your league is like mine – you get to count everything that happens that day.

Do the Eagles get to count that scrimmage against San Francisco as a real game? Koy friggin Detmer was nine for nine and 94 yards.

One of my favorite real NFL players is Trent Dilfer. He just seems like a good guy and it’s great to see him have success in Cleveland. Matt Hasselbeck speaks glowingly of how Dilfer was such a help in mentoring him in Seattle. That’s cool. Jon Kitna is the same kind of guy. Dilfer was good at the press conference when asked about his role. He deflected the question saying, “The face of our team is Charlie Frye”. He laughed and then said, “I'm getting funnier the older I get.”

Ben Roethlisberger’s an excellent real NFL QB but let’s not get carried away. The guy has 23 completions for the season. You know how many three touchdown NFL games he’s had? None. Ever. Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy a lot and he’s doing exactly what the Steelers need him to do at QB. But we have to accept that a 200+ yard passing game is a big deal for him.

Did you catch the hand gesture antics between Jaguars QB Byron Leftwich and Colts defensive line coach John Teerlinck? Leftwich shot Teerlinck the bird while the Colts coach gave him the infamous throat slash gesture. I doubt the commissioner sees it this way but it seemed kind of funny to me.

UCLA beat Oklahoma Saturday. In football.

Note to Rex Grossman:  I think I’d hold off on any expensive home improvements there, Chief. This Orton kid looks s-o-l-i-d.

Speaking of Chicago rookies, Cedric Benson didn’t endear himself to Bears fans as he caused the team to burn a timeout when he lined up in the wrong spot. Didn’t he have all summer to learn that stuff in camp? Oh, that’s right…

Is it just me or do the days of Mike Tice celebrating with a chest bump to Randy Moss seem a long time ago?

More on Moss – I don’t own him in any leagues but he was absolutely robbed on the offensive pass interference call that took his TD away. What a joke. I can understand a referee missing a call. Maybe he couldn’t see a hold or a facemask. That happens. But to imagine you saw something that just wasn’t there is harder to accept.

Kurt Warner opened against the Giants. His second game was against the Rams. I’m hearing they’re trying to work out a scrimmage Friday against the Iowa Barnstormers to keep the string going.

If nothing else, the NFL is proactive. Determined not to have a repeat of the Monday Night pre game melee, the league has instituted a “neutral zone” before the game. Punters and kickers are the only players allowed between the 45 yard lines in warmups. It’s the NFL’s version of the DMZ. Maybe they’ll just let the kickers go at it now. It’d almost be worth picking up the recently waived Darren Bennett. With the 6’ 5” / 235 pound former Australian rules football star, I’d like my chances.

Jeremiah Trotter had this to say about his ejection from the Monday Night game: ``They should have fined the referee. That's who they should have fined for that bad call.'' Thanks Jeremiah. Good luck with that.

Break up the Bucs. People thought Jon Gruden forgot how to coach. And they were wrong.

Many folks on the East Coast went to bed Sunday night expecting Jason Campbell to be the new QB in Washington. And woke up to talk of Mark Brunell for MVP.

Redskins offensive tackle Jon Jansen is playing with two broken thumbs. That’s tough.

With 7:55 left in the 2nd quarter, Cincinnati’s Carson Palmer had already connected with seven different receivers. I think that’s a good thing but I’m not completely sure.

In a battle of former NFL coaching legends, Bill Callahan’s Nebraska Cornhuskers edged Dave Wannstedt’s Pitt Panthers in a 7-6 shootout. That sounds about right.

It was bad enough that Dallas lost after inducting the Triplets into their Ring of Honor, but the Packers dropping a game to Cleveland after retiring Reggie White’s number?

Green Bay may not win at Lambeau anymore but it’s still worth tuning in just to see who they have singing their National Anthem. They always have interesting people there. This week it was Reggie White’s daughter. Very cool.

If Eli Manning ever leaves New York, I hope he goes to Tampa so we can have Manning, Sims and Griese as the quarterbacking corps.

When asked what was wrong with the Vikings, cornerback Fred Smoot said, ``I can't tell you, baby. That's a question you'll have to ask Dr. Phil.''

Bill Belichick was less talkative than normal after the Carolina game. When asked if it was a defensive breakdown on the 41 yard pass reception by Ricky Proehl, Belichick answered, “We don’t have any defenses where the guy runs down the middle of the field and we don’t cover him.”

I agree 100% with Jim Haslett. Playing the “home” game in New York was “bull****”. End of story.

The hyper anxious desire of some people to blow anything out of proportion interests me. Chad Johnson sent a “message” to Viking cornerback Fred Smoot last week through a reporter. He said, “Smoot – let’s go.” That was it. Yet half the football writers in America made it sound like Johnson had insulted his mother and challenged his man hood or something. Relax, people.

The two obviously had fun with it. During pre game stretching, Johnson told Smoot, “I aint gonna wear no underwear today. I aint wearing no underwear.”

Smoot said, “You aint wearing no underwear? That’s good, cuz I'm going to be up your ***.

Johnson laughed hard and playfully tackled him.

Baltimore Ravens. I don’t know what to say.

That didn’t last long – Detroit released new kicker Remy Hamilton after one game.

I know these guys make a lot of money but still, you have to feel for Raider wide receiver Ronald Curry. He tore his left Achilles’ tendon Sunday. You probably remember, he missed most of last season with the same injury. After eight months of rehab, he’s back to square one. ``I've been working since December to get back, so it's very discouraging,'' he said. ``It is what it is. You can't control it.''

I’m pretty sure that TE Jerramy Stevens is the best receiver in Seattle.

As expected, I drew plenty of whines from the bow ties with emails and message board threads after I dared to suggest last week that football’s opening day kickoff was superior to the snooze fest baseball tried in Japan.

Real baseball note here though. Pay attention to Roger Clemens. I think you can make a serious argument that you’ll be able to tell your grandkids you saw the best pitcher to ever play. That’s saying something. Ok, back to football.

The #1 Defense in the NFL: Your Indianapolis Colts. Followed closely by your Kansas City Chiefs. Yikes.

Eagles PK David Akers had this to say about his gluteus strain: “It just [stinks],” he said. “It’s not something I’d wish on anybody. I felt like Forrest Gump – something bit me on the buttocks.”

Most annoying nick name of the weekend: ESPN’s Linda Cohn calling Cadillac Williams, “Lac”. That might work for some people. For Linda, not so much.

Anyone else have flashbacks of Akron as Byron Leftwich was limping down the field on the last drive Sunday?

Favorite commercial this week: Burger King’s NFL Films thing where the King intercepts the ball and scores. I love that but I’ll admit the big head King guy freaks me out a little.

What’s wrong with Daunte Culpepper? It’s a lot more than Randy Moss. I’m thinking departed offensive coordinator Scott Linehan and injured center Matt Birk are bigger problems than not having Moss.

Deltha O’Neal caught three Daunte Culpepper passes Sunday. That ties him with Nate Burleson for second most on the team. The only problem is that O’Neal plays for Cincinnati.

Apparently the Bills management got my message from last week and decided to wear the Jack Kemp throwbacks again. Cool.

Kyle Orton vs Joey Harrington. Who looked like the rookie?

I thought we might see the police arrest Sean Taylor after that hit. It was a mugging.

Cincinnati was penalized 17 times Sunday. And still blew the Vikings out. Ouch.

I know they were excited and all but isn’t week two a little early with the Gatorade bath for Joe Gibbs? I mean really.

 

You have to love the “Trust Jesus” sign in the Black Hole of Oakland.

Titans running back Chris Brown was injured early in the game. Now there’s a shock.

Best TD celebration of the weekend? Seattle’s Shaun Alexander “rockin’ the baby”.

Second best? Philadelphia’s Terrell Owens just setting the ball down at the goal line.

Peyton Manning seems to be taking his slow start in stride. The Colts broke ground for their new stadium this week and Manning was on hand. He said, “I promise I’ll throw a lot of touchdowns in this new stadium. A lot more than I threw Sunday.” The Colts are 2-0 so the crowd laughed. Manning owners didn’t find it nearly as funny.

For a "shutdown"corner, doesn't DeAngelo Hall give up an awful lot of yards?

San Francisco’s Julian Peterson is guaranteeing a victory this week. I like his attitude but I wonder if he meant to say he guarantees that Dallas won’t hang 42 points on them again like the Eagles did….

The Vikings have had 24 offensive possessions. And they have 12 turnovers. Chew on that for a minute.

Think the Bears like what Thomas Jones is doing? Here's their first series from Sunday.

1-10-DET43 (13:49) K.Orton pass to M.Muhammad to DET 39 for 4 yards 

2-6-DET39 (13:14) K.Orton pass to M.Muhammad to DET 34 for 5 yards 

3-1-DET34 (12:37) T.Jones right tackle to DET 32 for 2 yards

1-10-DET32 (11:59) T.Jones right guard to DET 29 for 3 yards 

2-7-DET29 (11:27) T.Jones right tackle to DET 11 for 18 yards 

1-10-DET11 (10:53) T.Jones left guard to DET 3 for 8 yards

2-2-DET3 (10:18) T.Jones left tackle for 3 yards, TOUCHDOWN.

Hard Luck Awards for Week 2

CIN QB Palmer 86 yard TD pass to RB Perry Nullified by penalty

ATL QB Vick rush for no gain from the 5 (Vick to Finneran TD)

ATL RB Dunn rush for no gain from the 5 (Duckett TD)

PHI DEF / DB Sheppard 34 yard interception return to the 2 (McNabb to Westbrook TD)

MIA RB Brown 4 yard rush to the 3

MIA RB Brown rush for minus 1 to the 4 (Frerotte to McMichael TD)

TB QB Griese 15 yard pass to Clayton to the 1

TB QB Griese rush for no gain to the 1 (Alstott TD)

TB QB Griese 2 yard pass to TE Becht to the 3 (Williams TD)

SD QB Brees 19 yard pass to WR Parker to the 4 (Tomlinson TD)

DEN QB Plummer 36 yard TD pass to TE Putzier nullified by penalty

DEN QB Plummer 26 yard pass to RB Anderson to the 3 (Johnson TD)

DEN ST / DB Williams 61 yard punt return TD nullified by penalty

DEN DEF / DB Williams interception challenged and reversed

HOU QB Carr 3 yard rush to the 3

HOU RB Davis rush for no gain from the 3 (Carr to Davis TD)

TEN RB Brown 22 yard rush to the 3 (McNair to Fleming TD)

KC QB Green 4 yard pass to TE Gonzalez to the 1 (Holmes TD)

KC ST / WR Hall 83 yard punt return TD nullified by penalty

OAK QB Collins 12 yard pass to WR Porter to the 3 (Jordan TD)

OAK QB Collins 6 yard TD pass to WR Moss nullified by penalty (Janikowski FG)

OAK RB Jordan 56 yard TD rush nullified by penalty

NYG RB Barber 7 yard rush to the 3

NYG RB Barber 2 yard rush to the 1 (Jacobs TD)

NYG QB Manning 22 yard TD pass to WR Burris nullified by penalty (Feely FG)

NE QB Brady 71 yard pass to WR Brown to the 1 (Brady to Graham TD)

CAR QB Delhomme 41 yard pass to WR Proehl to the 1 (Davis TD)

CAR ST / WR Smith 77 yard punt return TD nullified by penalty

Sometimes it’s best to just not know….

Joe

Thanks for playing along. I hope you have a great week.

Here's to Football,

Joe

Thanks to my partner David Dodds for the help on this one. If you've got a Random Shot of your own, shoot it to me at Bryant@Footballguys.com

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